Daily Archives: July 26, 2009

Today and Thinking too much with a headache especially about childhood self inflicted trauma

I’m not normally a headache sufferer, but I am today. I’m drinking beer of the wheat and dark varieties to try and ease it. This agrees with me better than paracetamol, but less so than sleep with an eye mask.

Woke up this morning to drive home, collect breakfast, and shower. I listened to the radio, no mention of the station, as it is really not very good, plays a lot of The Killers and Kasabian, and that stupid fucking song about a monster.

Well I was listening to this station (XFM) and DJ was saying about scary childhood memories, and the guy mentioned Jaws. Now fuck me I was terrified by that film was shown to me by my horrifically gleeful father, and still to this day I cannot embrace the line, “we’re gonna need a bigger boat,” with any sense of iconic status that it has warranted.

But scared as a child here it is, add yours to comments.

  * Jaws – I saw it and thought the shark was going to come up out of my bed if I thought about it for too long.                       

 – I thought if I was in the bath and the water turned to muggy then Jaws was going to appear out of the plug hole.

What the hell was my fear doing there? as if a plug hole sized shark cannot possibly gobble ten year old Becks.

(Oh the good old days of bathing in bubbles with Ames where we used to run a bar with the biggest heads on beers this town has to offer.)

Still to this day I cannot swim over the black lines at the swimming pool or cracks in the floor without the idea popping up that a shark could attack me at any moment.

My predictive thinking, which is not a fear per Se but more of a thing that has led to fear, is thinking that I have power just by enacting a situation in my head that it will become real.

I used to think if my mum loves me the bus will come round the corner in 54321.

If I say Candyman three times in my head then he will appear, and if  I don’t check my wardrobe then the killer from Scream will be hiding in there. (do the maths – I was old)

More tomorrow . . . maybe


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